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I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online.
There I found eight questions all saying the same thing: “Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong. Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion. If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups. You just spent more than an entire month on and you didn’t meet any guys either.
I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men! It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis. The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy – and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along. Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more. Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…) So, if you have dated online and discovered the following: • Men sometimes lie. You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks.
This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry.
Here’s why: In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating. About 100% How many people have friends and family? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? You think that men misrepresent their height or age? You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results?
But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.
And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself. So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating: You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years – why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate? It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar.
It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.
So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men? I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.
I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.
But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!
If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.